Argue for the right reasons
- By MaxAxe & ShaTTer
Arguments; though no one likes them, but they do happen no matter how much you try to avoid them and if you actually think of it; arguments are not a bad thing. If it wasn’t for arguments and disagreement the entire world would have ended up going in one direction only (whatever direction that may be). So what it is that makes arguments worthless or worthwhile? Let’s find out!
Everybody tells you to avoid arguments; even though they know for a fact that arguments can’t always be avoided and sometimes they are downright necessary. For a change I don’t suggest you avoid them, I’d just suggest that have the arguments for the right reasons so that you can actually have something conclusive coming out that makes your life and things around you better.
Evidently we’re not talking about debates here, political or competitive for that matter. Those debates are for a reason, we’re talking about arguments in your personal life.
The most common wrong reasons for an argument
- Taking out anger & frustration: most people argue with someone or the other just so that they can take out their anger and frustration out on someone else, even if it is their near and dear one. The other common angle to this situation is that people take out their anger on some other issue with the same person by finding an excuse to argue on some other matter/issue. This approach not only makes things worse but gives multiple reasons for the other person to fight back.
- To prove a point and get him/her to agree: Just because the other person doesn’t agree to you, doesn’t mean that you’ve lost anything unless it’s something really essential. Even if it is essential, you still need to have a discussion and not an argument. I understand that some people are not willing to listen, in that case too, give it a break and then try to discuss the matter again; argument with such a person is again just a futile attempt, as a wise man (Sir Walter Raleigh) once said “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still”.
- For the sake of arguing: Yes it’s a sport for some people. For some, this is what they do and think it’s a part of their personality and that’s that there’s nothing more to say about this reason because these people need none; instead they need an excuse to start an argument. There is one word of caution however, these people don’t have many friends and often get into situations that easily go out of hand. So unless you’re big and you can take on the other guy or know when to stop, I’d honestly suggest, you don’t try this for long.
So, are there any right reasons to argue? Can arguments really be good in personal life and can it really lead to a good result? The answer is yes to both the questions.
The right reasons to argue for
- Getting him or her to agree to your point of view: I know I said this was the wrong reason. However, in the classic ‘Human Ecstasy’ style of articles this is also the right reason. Allow me to explain; there are times when you know the other person is not only wrong but is also completely ignoring facts. Now it depends if ‘that other person’ is a near and dear one or not. If the individual doesn’t matter to you his or her opinion shouldn’t matter either. Learn and memorize this golden rule “A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still “. So don’t try to convince a person who doesn’t matter to you for they might agree for the moment but that won’t change their opinion, and they might even try to get back and prove you wrong, which would result in a bigger argument.
You can get a loved one to agree to you by a humble argumentative discussion. Learn the art of agree to disagree. Agree to them and then put your facts across. Listen to them completely 1st and then put your points across, for what they are saying might also be right. The idea of an argument should never be to prove your point; instead the idea should always be to get two individuals on the same level of thinking about a ‘thing’.
- To convey some message: Let me explain my personal experience. I once went up to a friend of mine, I greeted him the usual way he did the same, then when I sat down he was like why did you sit down and why are you wearing that and so on, he was looking for an argument. I did not talk to him and left. On asking him the day after, he told me that he was very angry on his mother for shouting on him for every other reason and being on his back for everything he does. So people tend to argue when they want to convey some message and want help in some or the other way. It is we who should understand these people and not fight back. If I would have fought back, do you think we would still have been friends? The message here is; be the bigger person and try to understand the reason behind their argument.
Is this the right reason? Technically no, but it is for you to understand the right reason and understand the person, which again depends if the person matters to you or not.
- To bring justice: This reasons many people would be accustomed to, the ‘lawyer way’ as they say. This reason is a very obvious reason you should argue for. You would not want your loved ones or any innocent person be held for a crime or work he has not done. I get really perturbed if some innocent guy is accused for something he has not done because for a simple reason that I was also once a victim of such case and I felt really angry and confused at the same time, but eventually people began to understand and the bounty was off my head. My point being, argue as long as you can for saving the innocent, this would help you become a better person and a better role model for people around you.
Apart from these small tips, if you can get your hands on the following books and read them 3-4 times each, I guarantee that you’ll not only become better at getting people to agree to you. But also end up being liked by everyone around you. Irrespective them agreeing to your point or not. Not only will these books bring you success in your careers and jobs, but will also make you a better person and give you a better family life. Don’t believe me? Just read the titles of these books.
Skill with people by Les Giblin
Personality Plus by Florence Littauer
How to win friends and influence people – Dale Carnegie
Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites
I like your blog very much! Could you please in one of your articles make a review of rapidshare search engines? As for me, I use rapidqueen - rapidshare search engine . Would like to learn more
in JLT by MaxAxe, 16-12-09 18:34
